en route - part 1

I am in the Minneapolis airport; I have not yet left American soil. I would like a beer right now, and this is evidently not a legitimate possibility. It should be, but it is not. The reason that it should be is because I was supposed to have a 5.5 hour layover. However, that layover is now nonexistent. I was supposed to depart from Aberdeen Regional Airport at 6:30 this morning. We did not depart until 9:30 due to engine problems. I was only mildly annoyed about the delay, as I had a rather lengthy layover and the extra time provided me ample opportunity to stare in awe and wonder at my interesting co-passengers. Roughly 50% of them were glued to the windows like snails in a fish tank, constantly checking to make sure that the plane was, in fact, still on the ground, and that the mechanic had, in fact, still not arrived. By the time he finally showed up, the percentage of curious onlookers rose to 70%, and everyone tried to interpret his movements, as if they actually understood what he was doing. “He’s moving the ladder…that can’t be good!” they cried. “He’s getting inside the plane…that must be good news!” they guessed. I understand that these people were nervous about missing their connections, but it never fails to amuse me when I see people try to play an active role in something over which they have no control. Amongst those who weren’t analyzing the mechanic from afar, 15% were playing with some form of electronic device, 10% were sleeping, and 5% (i.e. me) were trying to understand what possible motive could drive people to plaster their faces against cold glass to try to understand something about which they know nothing.

And this is why I would like to sip a beer before noon on a Sunday, or at least this is the reason I am going to present to you. But instead I am sipping a bottle of designer water and munching on an overpriced and only partially satisfying salad as my final American meal. This slightly depresses me, but only slightly, because it means that it won’t be much longer before I can get this dreadful 13 hour flight out of the way. I must go now. Just as Tiger Woods is about to take an indefinite leave of absence from professional golf, I am about to take an indefinite leave of absence from this country.